I wrote this after my Grandma on my dad's side died, her name for me was Grandma Rinny. I made it because my dad asked me how I felt and I couldn't seem to answer him, it was like my body had gone numb, like I couldn't understand what it meant. I've always had a hard time explaining how I felt, so I made this poem. Although it doesn't perfectly explain it, it is as close as it's going to get.
She tried to Speak
'She tried to speak', that's what I was told after the call dropped.
She tried to speak,
it's all I can think, she tried to speak.
Everyone talked to her, everyone said goodbye,
but when it was my turn, the words fell out and my throat ran dry
and all I could seem to do was cry.
I wanted to tell her many things,
my thoughts, my dreams, and shiny things,
but all I could say was 'Hello, I love you, I'm sorry, goodbye.'
I couldn't tell her how proud I was to be a Taylor and her grandchild,
how I felt honored to have known her,
how I dreamed of being like her,
how I named my ladybug pillow after her -
she got it for me, after all.
How I regret not being there with her,
how I wish I could hear her stories,
how I'd do anything to hold her hand,
and give her love, right by her side.
She tried to speak, but I couldn't hear her,
I'm glad she doesn't know the way that I screamed and cried,
how I had to give away things I was going to give her
because they hurt too much to look at,
how I wondered if there really was a God -
how could he be so cruel to hold her right out of reach,
With his honey-dipped hands, it was as if I heard him laugh.
How I wondered if she felt better,
if she knew how deeply she was loved
as I begged to God to tell her how sorry I was,
how I begged to know if she was still there,
asking how this can be fair -
how could someone not care?
But life is not fair,
life is unjust
and death catches up to all of us.